Did another painting at Brooklyn Artists Gym this afternoon - it balances out my life as a Web Analyst at IBM and puts me back in touch with what I feel I am, at the foundation of all of this, an artist. 

My path is synthesis and seems to have come to me, or I realised it, only recently - but I was doing it all along.  I feel empthy when I look at work I can identify with, mostly paintings - it’s as if I can feel an artist’s feelings in paint - I probably had it all along did not know what to do with it, or what it was.

I did a drawing first, to warm up, as well as decide how I was going to approach the model; decided on the pyramidal theme, which sorta suggested it self, based on the composition and lighting.

Occured to me, as I painted (I see myself a channel, both in Web Analytics, Search Engine work and painting - I see no difference in the creative enegry or guidence I get based on intuition - I’m just learning to listen to it and not murder it, as I used to do). 

This is what came into my mind, it was the memory of a saying from Paul Cezanne, my favorite artist (but my sensability is much different than his - it took me many years to sort that out).  I can’t find the actual quote but it goes something like this: “art is a way of organizing sensations“.  

In that sense, I feel that’s what I’m doing and I hope my work, while I was thinking of Matisse and Bonnard, does not look like anyone else.  In fact, that’s what the model of this painting said to me as she photographed it - “does not look like anyone else’s work she could think of“. 

Why would it?…it’s my own way of organizing sensation, and that’s what painting has become for me.  I don’t stop it, I don’t murder it, I let it be, and go as far with my sensiblility as I can - and then I stop and walk away.  I spent between 2-3 hours on this nude model study.

One other thought, my own, has been in my mind a lot lately, as I do my work in one sitting these days (I can change back but right now, it suits me): “if you can’t improve something by working on it more - it’s better to leave it alone”.   What I mean - I used to over paint my first impressions, over and over, trying to be something I was not, Cezanne, for example.  I did not trust that what I put down was good enough.  I murdered it, over and over, and after maybe 10 sittings, I had what I accomplish in one sitting today - except the work is much fresher.

 

 I don’t see a point in working and working on something - if that work does not improve the end result.  I’d rather get it right the first time than go over it 10 times, blending this, blending that.   I gave up on that - I ended up with less, in many cases, than I started with….but just being in tune the first time.   Because I trust myself now…and did not then.

I did this Oil Pastel last night, during the Collective Becomings show that I reviewed, with a glass of red wine next to me.   I feel really good about just trusting myself, and letting work happen.  It’s a struggle to “organize my sensations” and I’m just following my own intuition now.  I’m not following, or looking up to anyone else…been there, done that.