Really have been feeling knocked out of whack with the series of reviews of my work I’ve had over the last several weeks – been very busy too…and I’ll be in Paris late next week.   I painted for a couple of hours today – fairly large – also went to an art opening on the Politics of Power art at the Brooklyn Artists Gym, where I also paint.

Politics Of Power Opening Reception December 1st, 6-9pm

Power is the marked ability to accomplish and to possess or exercise authority or influence. The politics of power is the mechanics of this action.The artwork in the show Politics of Power at BAG Gallery is a collection of thought provoking work that focuses on power. While some artwork make strong statements, others question. Can an artist at the crossroads of art, politics and truth help decipher the mechanics of power? Or does the mixture of politics and art manifest political correctness and censorship? Where is the room for risk?

And here’s the painting I did – again, I’ve been feeling discouraged but have decided to carry on – and paint, even though I don’t know where it’s all going:

Trying to sort out what to do next – was thinking of my Paris Trip next week and changing the hotel (My Room in Paris – is going to be clean or full of bed bugs?) along with making sure I have enough money to cover my expenses and my family back home – and it’s really tough.   I think going to Paris is the right thing to do but I’m tired of struggling so much.

It’s a struggle at work, struggling to be seen as much more than the Web Analyst they think I am; I’m growing into a new role, but my current position doesn’t allow the autonomy and control that makes best use of what God gave me.  Yet it’s not clear what the next thing is, either, and I can’t move on till I know what it is.

At home, my life is less than ideal, but I won’t talk about that here.   And in my work with the Web Analytics Association, we’re making great strides – building a Social Network, building community, I’ve been asked to speak and travel more -  I sit on a Board of Directors that, largely is made up of self made millionaires, while I can barely pay my rent – every month is struggle, and I can’t tell you the last time I really bought many clothes, or for that matter, my wife or son did.

When I was in Washington DC in October for the Emetrics Summit, I had to ask the Board of Directors to advance me the money to take the members of my Social Media Committee who were present, to dinner – I didn’t have the money to lay it out (715 dollars) – and I had to have my brother help me with the hotel, most of which was reimbursed, but still … my existence is so precarious – sometimes I wonder how I’ve made it this far and how can I possibly continue, and keep this up.  I just don’t know.  I don’t know what comes next.

There’s also been some personal issues that I’ve had to sort out lately, a theme that started over two years ago that came back to bite me lately – but I’ve dealt with it.

And yet, it seems I’m making great strides – depending on how you measure it. 

So when worked on this painting, above, it was with a sense of really not knowing what to do next; but I have been seeing, in my minds eye, that I needed to work larger and freer, and if I did not buy larger canvasses, I needed to pin up multiple pages on the wall to make a larger space for myself to paint on – and be expressive on.

One good thing that’s come out of having my ego deflated is seeing the good in others’ paintings.  My own humbling, of late, as opened my eyes to the beauty of my fellow painters, and of others Art, in general.

If, feeling special, fed my Art, I’ve been seeing my sense of self being transformed – but where is it all going?   I don’t know.

But I know I’m ready to move on to something bigger in 2008.